you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where is the hickey?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
