I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is Oprah even human
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
