Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They took my balls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
