im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
