i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
