Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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