The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize