And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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