remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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