That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
