Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
