guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They are going to name an STD after you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
