remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
