Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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