I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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