biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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