I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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