one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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