We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone owes me an orgasm
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
