Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
