Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
