Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
