hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I deserve this hangover.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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