hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drunk is not a location!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
