Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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