she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
