he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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