member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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