dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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