She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
