i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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