I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
