I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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