I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Randomize
