Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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