I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
