I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
