i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
