i just wanna soil my oats bro
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
