I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
