I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
