she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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