when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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