I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
