my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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