i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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