i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
