You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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