I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She's JV to your varsity
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
