I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
