If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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