I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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