next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
