it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can I color on your dick again?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
